i just took off my watch..

i just took off my watch, the imprint is still left on my wrist.
so is the one of my hair tie. the news is playing in the background
and i just got an i.m. from this guy i fancy. the emotion i am reeling in?
one of pain, aggression, and irritibility.
the reason why? the brother of my mother.
now let me tell you a bit about his idiotic, self pittying personality.
he lost his mother when he was very young and had a pretty messed up childhood. now he is older yet his actions are still screaming self pity. he drinks himself into a practical slumber. (exaggerated that a bit, but who cares, its my story) and apparently he has had a gf and wants to move in with her(found this out via facebook) but from personal experience she seems like a douche, and as of late, real late, so has he. i know his loves me but his love in his actions havent beenn apparent. he doesnt spend time with me or my siblings, doesnt go to any of our games, rarely calls to check in. just sulks around and cries about how his job is a lot of hard work and blah blah blah.
but you know what, so is my job. i go to school, i maintain good grades, i play varsity sports, and i have to get everything together so i can go to college. doesnt that seem like a lot of hard work? rather than lifting boxes in a stupid freezer.
oh but wait, im too busy to go to my neices and nephew's games, or award shows, or anything bcz im too busy living my life f***ing my girlfriend, spending time with my godchildren, oh and picking up my girlfriends son from school rather thn pick up my eldest neice who i havent spent time with in ages.
you know what uncle, and i know you will read this. i DONT care! i dont feel sorry for you, i no longer do bcz you dont do anything to help yourself. you are completely ignorant, arrogant and idiotic. i am leaving in five months!! five months henry! you have rarely spent time with me the last ten years of my life, so lets see, how much can you fit into five months? hmm tough guy??
you really did hurt me today bcz i was looking forward to you picking me up and simply just taking me home. a simple "errand" to make in your suchhh busy day going shopping, visiting your cousins and picking up your girlfriends son. how pathetic!! you are completely messing up and what is sad is, i know you know it too! yet you are doing nothing to fix anything. i am completely done with you. i am not your father, i am not your girlfriend, i am not your neice. when you say something damn it you better follow through, and you know what, i am going to try that right now. i am no longer going to try and chase you into a black hole, you are jjust screwing yourself and you are going to realize it when its too late. you only have another niece and a nephew to get in their good side bcz with me, you are through. no more chances uncle, you friggin jerk!! oh and by the way, thanks for making my day such a blast, really, i love being dissapointed into inevitable tears, oh i just love it!
im done, i dont care. dont call and talk to me, i dont want to hear your lame excuses. tell them to your girlfriend bcz idgaf.

In the previous post...

Little do you know that his name is in the corner...

Monday's Doodles

3/7/11

-She wears a striped sweater
not as nautical as it seems,
yet she wants to blend back
into the ocean and it's dreams.
-Dear Mary, you were right,
we become distructive, not
from fright, but from those
who walk the streets at night.
-How can I have a present,
if I never had a past?
-I really just want first
period to end, I woke
up in a bad mood and I bet
it will see a majority of
my day through.
-Today is the day where it
should all come through, dont
let that wretched horoscope
seep through, you like him and
he likes you, just go from there,
dont mess up more than you.
-My nails grow, then I bite them
back, my vein show on my
wrists, purple and blue and
bulge when I fist,
yet the engraving of the scars
is never lack.
-"The creater dies but the
monster lives."

and a picture:)

i..

i coexist with you.
you are the summer to my blue.
forever you, forever you.
love me, love me. i still love you.
damn the existence of the wretched thing.
i dont want to love you anymore,
yet i do.
i wish i never met you.

"thats what you get"

now here we are. where have we been this whole time?
you went left, i went right.
and yet, we seem to catch up all over again.
dont you wonder what is going on?
you grabbed my hand, and looked me in the eye,
however, my door is still closed.
you just dont know it yet.
i want to love you, but i cant.
it's hopeless. there is no time to even let anything flourish.
ha, i say this, but i still dont what to let you go,
at least not now anyway. we'll see how it goes in the morning.
maybe something can work out, just dont rush me.
in the end, i will always love you for you, just to me.

lips.

pictures

pictures

Front&Back

Front Page:
• “Oh darling don’t you ever grow up, just stay this little.
Oh darling don’t you ever grow up, just stay this simple.”
-Never Grow Up Taylor Swift
• She distances herself out of fear of not being accepting, but by that she completely takes away the chance. But in fantasy, is she too good enough?
• (Larger Text) Across the desk, she sits there. Lost in thought but still exactly nowhere. She sees him; he’s within her arms reach, but not within her grasp. It’s over, she knows it, he knows it. The bridge has been demolished, yet there is still hope of that faint, familiar understanding. Now there is also her. They were never friends but there was an unwanting force going from her to her. Now only I know which is which. From what I can see, she really is just jealous. Even though she has her own talent, she’s jealous of her abilities to create lives one paper. Their talents are distinct and powerful, yet one is unknown to the other, while the other wants to share but doesn’t feel that that one wants to hear it, let alone see it. And, well, it all comes down to her. From the very beginning, she’s never felt wanted, never felt love, but all she wants to do is be heard and love. She hears their comments, their conversations, still, always an outside viewer. All the daggered words she throws, whether or not they have a designated target, are truly just reflections of her inner emotions. That one girl was right. She says hurtful things so, so others can feel just a sense of her hurt as well. Why is she so broken? So damaged? So..wrong? she sees through eyes that are so far from her heart. Her carved out body just limp but always there. A leaf flies in the wind, she floats through the skies, she drifts like birds, the water hits the wind.
Back Page:
• I think the reason why I don’t go back to exes, is because I don’t want to reopen the door to what they know of me. I don’t want to admit they I let them know so much. Maybe it really is, just me.
• “Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up, don’t you ever grow up, just stay this little. Oh darling don’t you ever grow up, don’t you ever grow up, just stay this simple.” I’ve never been simple.
• “I’ve never been simple.” Maybe that is just a lie. Maybe I’m not as complex as I see myself to be. Maybe it’s just an excuse to hide the real, depressing, complications of me.
• She really just likes to be alone, or maybe, she doesn’t see that she has any other chances. And, after all, it’s easier this way.”
• Why does she just close, while she knows she can do, so much?
• She makes eye contact only for just a second, she doesn’t want anyone to see, how truly hurt she is to be”
• I need to burn more than I consume, to actually make a difference
•

photographs