"i want you here inside me, say the word"

darf ich off die toilette gehen..(chuckles with laughter)

"who in here is being honest?"

that is a very good question, who could the truth speaker be?

i really need to get my act together today. i have to call hsu, have to clean my room, call my grandpa, email my aunt, should email both but idk, email my grandmother, learn how to play the guitar, atleast one cord, put up my posters and do another facial. i have eleven hours and eight minutes until this day is over, shouldnt be so hard right? oh and fill out the two scholarships i have in my bad.

it shouldnt, yet i continuously dissapoint myself bcz i never complete the easy goals i set. i am a lazy procrastinater and i am completely upset right now bcz i am jjust sitting here writing this down when i could be doing on of the above. why am i still sitting here?

there

there is about a few of them who think they know me, and i laugh when they try and tell me who i am and why i do, say, and think the things i do. i remember once when one of them comfronted me i shut down completely bcz i was afraid they were getting close but no, no one will ever get that close. no matter how far they think they've gone in they will never reach the core. and no this isnt just a defense mechanism, its the truth. no one with get as close as me.

its funny how

its funny how i can just close my eyes and be in a completely different setting. i'm there, i'm young, i'm right outside the library, on my way to class. and there you are. i see you walking in front of me. i am a child, innicent, unexperienced. and then there is you. you seemed experienced, older for you age. always thought you were one step ahead and now here you are. you're life has fast forwarded actions far beyond your years and yet you are still a child. i am still a child. but not as young as i was then. as young as i was when i first met you. i think about it now and i really was in love with you. but now, i cant seem to reattach myself to that, well what i thought, would always be such a strong emotion. when i see you smile and laugh, i get the faint feeling of those past emotions, but they dont stay. who knows, maybe they might turn up more often then not, but as of now, im floating in a lonely sea with passerbys starting straight at me. but what they see, and who they believe is me is nothing close to the truth, as clear as the heart can see, can be, you probably will never know..the real me.

another oil pastel

another drawing.

right now.

right now this is all going through my mind.

1. my(our to be more specific but i completely disown him when it comes to picking up the poop)dog is soo cute! i love his personality, he's like a cute little brother and almost as annoying. haha i have learned to love dogs afterall.

2. i am watching a san bernardino school district meeting on channel 17 and i am learning quite a lot. its funny how much we all dont know.

3. im talking to him again. however i have reeavuluated how i feel about the whole situation. i am looking at it from a completely different perspective, and i like it this way. it's a lot better and i need to take that into consideration.

4. talking to an old friend from middle school. wow, so much has changed in all of our lives. its crazy the different tracks we all make once we move from page to page.

5. spring break, time to write, talk, blog, draw, eat, swim, sleep..and anything else i'd like to do.. get ready for a wild ride!

depressed.

i just wrote a poem, tried to publish it, didnt work and now im left with an empty post. mood: defeated.

over, under

oversized shirts fit perfectly on my undersized ego,
of the day, the sun shines brightly away.
away from the disasters on the other side.
but if you look far enough in the distance, it's still blue and green.
blue and green, blue and green, blue and green.