outfit ideas:
-blue leotard, black poof skirt(mayas), necklaces, black steve maddens
-something with a blazer...today is dress up day(:
-more ideas to come...just had stylist block..
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
typical..
you know those types of movies right? like the last song? where the teenage daughter goes away to some relative, finds a boy, things get better, some tragic thing happens, the girl hates the boy, then everything gets back together. and yet, we all continue to watch them over and over again bcz we cant help but fall into the movie role. visualizing that we are the main character and that each and everything she feels is thrown upon us as well.
im going to watch my movie now, talk about this later...
im going to watch my movie now, talk about this later...
Saturday, April 23, 2011
3:40:00 AM
good morning. good night. is it really a good morning? well, it was a lovely night.
i remember a few months back. i was sitting outside my sister's classroom waiting for
her to get out of practice when i turned to my left and this is what i saw: two cute sophomores staring at their reflection in a classroom window. oh how cute and in love they looked. i was so jealous. i instantly thought to myself and whether or not i ever had that. whether or not i was ever truly happy with any one individual i had feelings for. the answer i had for myself-no, i don't i have ever experienced such content happiness in the most positive connotation of the phrase.
you know what. i cant even continue this past train of thought. i'm too angry with the voices of ignorant adults bickering in the other room. they seem to always make me feel annoyed and the complete opposite of feeling at ease. i have to constantly be aware, just to make sure that things don't turn violent. the static is always there, the anxiety of the variations of anger is always there. the annoyance, the dumbfoundessness of every single phrase they spit out of their mouths is utterly astonishing. you'd be amazed if you were here. you'd be just as angry as i if you were here. if anyone was here. any audience could hear this for five simple minutes and understand it all. the hostility. the pain. the anger. the disappointment. everything.
i'm dizzy, i have to lay down.
i remember a few months back. i was sitting outside my sister's classroom waiting for
her to get out of practice when i turned to my left and this is what i saw: two cute sophomores staring at their reflection in a classroom window. oh how cute and in love they looked. i was so jealous. i instantly thought to myself and whether or not i ever had that. whether or not i was ever truly happy with any one individual i had feelings for. the answer i had for myself-no, i don't i have ever experienced such content happiness in the most positive connotation of the phrase.
you know what. i cant even continue this past train of thought. i'm too angry with the voices of ignorant adults bickering in the other room. they seem to always make me feel annoyed and the complete opposite of feeling at ease. i have to constantly be aware, just to make sure that things don't turn violent. the static is always there, the anxiety of the variations of anger is always there. the annoyance, the dumbfoundessness of every single phrase they spit out of their mouths is utterly astonishing. you'd be amazed if you were here. you'd be just as angry as i if you were here. if anyone was here. any audience could hear this for five simple minutes and understand it all. the hostility. the pain. the anger. the disappointment. everything.
i'm dizzy, i have to lay down.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
nevershoutnever
sparks inspiration in my heart.
"all the small time people with all their big
remarks don't got jack to say.."
"you might think i'm incapable..you might think i'm a fool.."
let's just drop down quotes, yeah? i don't feel like thinking but each and every one of these songs leave residue on my heart. an additional layer to the yarn surrounding my red heart. the kind that you can make with your pointer fingers and thumb. the kind that, with the simplest finger gestures, means so much, yet so little if the people change.
the wind is calling for you to move your basket so the flowers don't fall. can you see through my looking glass? or shall i rock until i get lucky on my wooden horse? or, wait should i sin until i receive a vision from god to be different, then try to become a preacher, and at the very last second, change it all the become an artist? i could do all of those things, and i will. but in my own twentieth century structured literature. thank you joyce.
if you look closely to the skin on my hand, it looks like a desert. is it barren as well? or is there some sort of life to it all? can hands reflect the heart as they do age? if so, could mine truly be all dried up? or just in need of a little watering?
i love never shout never. he makes me believe in fantasy and true love, and soul mates and all those other cliche` façades.
"i'll sit back and i'll watch the show, and i'll make wake and watch the stars as they collide"
"i don't breathe the way i used to"
"all the small time people with all their big
remarks don't got jack to say.."
"you might think i'm incapable..you might think i'm a fool.."
let's just drop down quotes, yeah? i don't feel like thinking but each and every one of these songs leave residue on my heart. an additional layer to the yarn surrounding my red heart. the kind that you can make with your pointer fingers and thumb. the kind that, with the simplest finger gestures, means so much, yet so little if the people change.
the wind is calling for you to move your basket so the flowers don't fall. can you see through my looking glass? or shall i rock until i get lucky on my wooden horse? or, wait should i sin until i receive a vision from god to be different, then try to become a preacher, and at the very last second, change it all the become an artist? i could do all of those things, and i will. but in my own twentieth century structured literature. thank you joyce.
if you look closely to the skin on my hand, it looks like a desert. is it barren as well? or is there some sort of life to it all? can hands reflect the heart as they do age? if so, could mine truly be all dried up? or just in need of a little watering?
i love never shout never. he makes me believe in fantasy and true love, and soul mates and all those other cliche` façades.
"i'll sit back and i'll watch the show, and i'll make wake and watch the stars as they collide"
"i don't breathe the way i used to"
Saturday, April 9, 2011
dear mr. black
(dear mr. black)
don't waste my time.
for i can't bare
to drop a dime
in these trying times.
dear the one in gold,
have you ever thawed out your soul?
does it get tiring, does it get old?
when the one you love, is forever on hold.
while there you remain to be, forever locked.
without the key.
forever closed, forever closed. more than thricefold.
forever gold.
dear miss prince,
may i, if you wish, kiss the hand that you kiss?
or shall i erase the trace of the kiss on your lips?
my fingerprints are the only prints that i wish
trace the lines of love on your lips.
dear the man in white,
does it hurt when you bleed?
does it hurt when you fight?
does it hurt when you face the face of the face of light?
or do you glow, like the glow of the night's night?
like a bulb dwindling in the street light.
turn up the switch, the light fades to black.
then brighter and brighter until all the world fades to black.
fades to black. fades to black.
dear ghost buster,
get the bad things out of me oh oh
sing the lyrics carved on the tree oh oh
did it ever occur to you that not just angels
fall from above to the gravel below?
or does it take a fever to pass by the one you know.
it wont let me go, oh i wont let me go, no no.
dear you,
do you really suffer as i do?
or is it just a ploy to break down the doors of the devil's heirloom?
to find the one thing i've always hid.
"that beating wretched living thing"
forever dead as the beating one, not in a man's soul
but in the dead man's chest.
do you lay awake at night searching for fulfillment and rest?
or do you regret laying there in tears of sweat.
breathing heavily, gasping slowly.
hoping one day you can get to me. oh how i carved you out of the tree.
where it's written: you and you plus me.
don't waste my time.
for i can't bare
to drop a dime
in these trying times.
dear the one in gold,
have you ever thawed out your soul?
does it get tiring, does it get old?
when the one you love, is forever on hold.
while there you remain to be, forever locked.
without the key.
forever closed, forever closed. more than thricefold.
forever gold.
dear miss prince,
may i, if you wish, kiss the hand that you kiss?
or shall i erase the trace of the kiss on your lips?
my fingerprints are the only prints that i wish
trace the lines of love on your lips.
dear the man in white,
does it hurt when you bleed?
does it hurt when you fight?
does it hurt when you face the face of the face of light?
or do you glow, like the glow of the night's night?
like a bulb dwindling in the street light.
turn up the switch, the light fades to black.
then brighter and brighter until all the world fades to black.
fades to black. fades to black.
dear ghost buster,
get the bad things out of me oh oh
sing the lyrics carved on the tree oh oh
did it ever occur to you that not just angels
fall from above to the gravel below?
or does it take a fever to pass by the one you know.
it wont let me go, oh i wont let me go, no no.
dear you,
do you really suffer as i do?
or is it just a ploy to break down the doors of the devil's heirloom?
to find the one thing i've always hid.
"that beating wretched living thing"
forever dead as the beating one, not in a man's soul
but in the dead man's chest.
do you lay awake at night searching for fulfillment and rest?
or do you regret laying there in tears of sweat.
breathing heavily, gasping slowly.
hoping one day you can get to me. oh how i carved you out of the tree.
where it's written: you and you plus me.
2:27 am
i just woke up and my foot is swollen. awoke to raised voices talking about "emotions" and "relationships." how typical. my foot is swollen, even more typical and my throat is dry.
i cant tell you how much he sounds like this fifteen year old from my high school. it's funny how diminished brain cells for multiple reasons turn you into an emotional driven child. it's pathetic. i mean grow up already.
it's so sad, i pity the fool.
my foot really does hurt. my long sleeve is starting to get annoying and i was asleep by ten. and now i am awake. which means i am angry. argh, i'm so very angry.
had a swim meet today, a realization that i write for me and me only, a really good swim day. yeah i'm going to talk about that.
i had a very good swim day today. i felt apart of the team.
even before we left for the team i felt...just apart of it all.
i've never felt that at all. not any of my years on varsity.
but today i did and it was very nice. i know i seem to just ramble on her but that's what its for, just to write down your stream of consciousness:)
i have an ice pack on my ankle. it's very cold.
i have crushes on people but i know i will never be with them. it's hopeless and i am just a hopeless romantic.
for instance, i like her because she's the ideal persona of a high school girl with everything, well so is the other girl. but yeah anyways back to this one. she's beautiful and funny and just cute. but not in a million years will i tell her. although if i did she's feel more loved than any guy can make her.
now for the other one, i think her bcz she presents a challenge, although she is percieved to be a bitch, i think she's hot. if only she went my way..
and then there is him, he's attractive in his own way and funny. i'll get to know him if i'd like but i wont ever date him. nope. nope. i dont date guys younger than me.
i thought i had a crush on him but i dont, he's too emotional for me. i know i ask for that at times but he's just too much.
i want to go to sleep. i think i will.
goodnight.
no doubt there will be more rambles tomorrow, hey i might actually try to write some poetry again:)
i cant tell you how much he sounds like this fifteen year old from my high school. it's funny how diminished brain cells for multiple reasons turn you into an emotional driven child. it's pathetic. i mean grow up already.
it's so sad, i pity the fool.
my foot really does hurt. my long sleeve is starting to get annoying and i was asleep by ten. and now i am awake. which means i am angry. argh, i'm so very angry.
had a swim meet today, a realization that i write for me and me only, a really good swim day. yeah i'm going to talk about that.
i had a very good swim day today. i felt apart of the team.
even before we left for the team i felt...just apart of it all.
i've never felt that at all. not any of my years on varsity.
but today i did and it was very nice. i know i seem to just ramble on her but that's what its for, just to write down your stream of consciousness:)
i have an ice pack on my ankle. it's very cold.
i have crushes on people but i know i will never be with them. it's hopeless and i am just a hopeless romantic.
for instance, i like her because she's the ideal persona of a high school girl with everything, well so is the other girl. but yeah anyways back to this one. she's beautiful and funny and just cute. but not in a million years will i tell her. although if i did she's feel more loved than any guy can make her.
now for the other one, i think her bcz she presents a challenge, although she is percieved to be a bitch, i think she's hot. if only she went my way..
and then there is him, he's attractive in his own way and funny. i'll get to know him if i'd like but i wont ever date him. nope. nope. i dont date guys younger than me.
i thought i had a crush on him but i dont, he's too emotional for me. i know i ask for that at times but he's just too much.
i want to go to sleep. i think i will.
goodnight.
no doubt there will be more rambles tomorrow, hey i might actually try to write some poetry again:)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
as of late..
..i haven't been completely honest with anyone, especially myself.
what i do want now, however, is the feeling of completion that i felt
in the movie i watched the other day. it's called "d.e.b.s" its this funny spy movie with girls in short school girl outfits running around with guns, but thats not the point. the point is, i want the feeling of love that the two main female characters had.
and here's the thing..i want it with a girl. i've been like this for awhile but i feel as if i need it right now..i have this faint hope in the back of my mind that i will find this completion in college, only when i get there will i truly find out. i hope luck and fate is on my side.
in the mean time, with the boys i have in my life now, its complicated. i can never quite be as free as usual on here since one of them reads this..but im not complaining, i like to have an audience, but i do have emotions, and they're a tad bit shield now, like always.
the thing that i cant quite get my head around is why i've been so distant lately to a select few of people, especially him2. (there is him1 and him2 that i've been writing about lately, just thought that i should clear it up a bit)i doubt this, but it just feels this way right now, that maybe i lost what i thought i would hold dear for a very long time..hmm but maybe it's a lot less complicated than that. maybe its my time to be a girl..either way, i'm afraid i owe some answers that im not too fond of freely giving.
i should get some sleep..have to start the routine again tomorrow. goodnight the blog universe. i hope that my hopes go answered and my wants and dreams be fulfilled. i just want to feel whole..im not sure i've ever felt that way before..sweet dreams..i need to think about me.
what i do want now, however, is the feeling of completion that i felt
in the movie i watched the other day. it's called "d.e.b.s" its this funny spy movie with girls in short school girl outfits running around with guns, but thats not the point. the point is, i want the feeling of love that the two main female characters had.
and here's the thing..i want it with a girl. i've been like this for awhile but i feel as if i need it right now..i have this faint hope in the back of my mind that i will find this completion in college, only when i get there will i truly find out. i hope luck and fate is on my side.
in the mean time, with the boys i have in my life now, its complicated. i can never quite be as free as usual on here since one of them reads this..but im not complaining, i like to have an audience, but i do have emotions, and they're a tad bit shield now, like always.
the thing that i cant quite get my head around is why i've been so distant lately to a select few of people, especially him2. (there is him1 and him2 that i've been writing about lately, just thought that i should clear it up a bit)i doubt this, but it just feels this way right now, that maybe i lost what i thought i would hold dear for a very long time..hmm but maybe it's a lot less complicated than that. maybe its my time to be a girl..either way, i'm afraid i owe some answers that im not too fond of freely giving.
i should get some sleep..have to start the routine again tomorrow. goodnight the blog universe. i hope that my hopes go answered and my wants and dreams be fulfilled. i just want to feel whole..im not sure i've ever felt that way before..sweet dreams..i need to think about me.
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