why..

why do i feel so much, why can i write so much about you..
why to i tie my emotions to you?











over it.

the door opens, the door closes...

rather the screen door is set ajar,
never fully opening, never securely closing..
it's constant..the embarrassment i feel when i think of you
and me, and how we used to be..how dare you be so cruel.
i don't want to know how you are, i don't care.
for all i wish, you are sitting on the bottom of the ocean
face blue, suffering, no air..suffering as i suffered..do you feel that faint
comfortability of pain?
i did, i still do when i think of you..
i hate you with all of what is left of my heart, for the former was spent loving you.
god i wish i had only moved away sooner. i wish i never remembered your number..
further, i wish i had never met you, my life would of been so much more complete
if i had never laid eyes on your unmistakable beauty.
it's always worse when i go to sleep and when i wake up..
why did you leave such a lasting impression on me?
why is it that i still feel such pain?
i hate you, i hate you so much it's unbelievable.
it sickens me to say your name aloud, but if you
would ask to have me back i'd be there in a heartbeat.


why must i feel this way?
a mistake pain on a mistaken day.
a broken heart given way,
to sail the corners of the ocean,
the waves at bay..the rose
sits in the glass, my heart is
pierced forever last.

the girl in the looking glass

life was going by so peaceful, i only thought of you from day to day..
and now our life come's flooding back..what do you see me as? your
personal joke to look back and laugh over? were my feelings always a joke to you?
or are you really just so...?

one

one thing i want before i die..own a pair of christian louboutins.

lookbook.nu/seanantonia

outfit ideas:

-blue leotard, black poof skirt(mayas), necklaces, black steve maddens

-something with a blazer...today is dress up day(:

-more ideas to come...just had stylist block..

darker images..light is needed..my apologies

upcloseface..

typical..

you know those types of movies right? like the last song? where the teenage daughter goes away to some relative, finds a boy, things get better, some tragic thing happens, the girl hates the boy, then everything gets back together. and yet, we all continue to watch them over and over again bcz we cant help but fall into the movie role. visualizing that we are the main character and that each and everything she feels is thrown upon us as well.

im going to watch my movie now, talk about this later...

3:40:00 AM

good morning. good night. is it really a good morning? well, it was a lovely night.

i remember a few months back. i was sitting outside my sister's classroom waiting for
her to get out of practice when i turned to my left and this is what i saw: two cute sophomores staring at their reflection in a classroom window. oh how cute and in love they looked. i was so jealous. i instantly thought to myself and whether or not i ever had that. whether or not i was ever truly happy with any one individual i had feelings for. the answer i had for myself-no, i don't i have ever experienced such content happiness in the most positive connotation of the phrase.

you know what. i cant even continue this past train of thought. i'm too angry with the voices of ignorant adults bickering in the other room. they seem to always make me feel annoyed and the complete opposite of feeling at ease. i have to constantly be aware, just to make sure that things don't turn violent. the static is always there, the anxiety of the variations of anger is always there. the annoyance, the dumbfoundessness of every single phrase they spit out of their mouths is utterly astonishing. you'd be amazed if you were here. you'd be just as angry as i if you were here. if anyone was here. any audience could hear this for five simple minutes and understand it all. the hostility. the pain. the anger. the disappointment. everything.

i'm dizzy, i have to lay down.

nevershoutnever

sparks inspiration in my heart.
"all the small time people with all their big
remarks don't got jack to say.."

"you might think i'm incapable..you might think i'm a fool.."

let's just drop down quotes, yeah? i don't feel like thinking but each and every one of these songs leave residue on my heart. an additional layer to the yarn surrounding my red heart. the kind that you can make with your pointer fingers and thumb. the kind that, with the simplest finger gestures, means so much, yet so little if the people change.

the wind is calling for you to move your basket so the flowers don't fall. can you see through my looking glass? or shall i rock until i get lucky on my wooden horse? or, wait should i sin until i receive a vision from god to be different, then try to become a preacher, and at the very last second, change it all the become an artist? i could do all of those things, and i will. but in my own twentieth century structured literature. thank you joyce.

if you look closely to the skin on my hand, it looks like a desert. is it barren as well? or is there some sort of life to it all? can hands reflect the heart as they do age? if so, could mine truly be all dried up? or just in need of a little watering?

i love never shout never. he makes me believe in fantasy and true love, and soul mates and all those other cliche` façades.

"i'll sit back and i'll watch the show, and i'll make wake and watch the stars as they collide"

"i don't breathe the way i used to"