ended up redoing this entry but here's one for thought...

There is a logical difficulty in being a moral relativist and belonging to a specific culture because you are faced with the challenge of choosing to stay true to your own morals or completely sacrificing them to conform to the ones of your own society. As a human being I believe we are all entitled to our own beliefs, but isnt that contradictory since im siding with the society of human beings and their belief in the free beliefs of human beings?

Karma.

Okay so in high school there was this girl who was, well gay, and had a few girl friends and stuff. but whenever one talked about her, not in necessarily bad terms but really more of a discussion-of what, who knows..but yeah whenever she was discussed the topic of her complexion came up quite a bit. only because it wasn't the best of the bunch but her personality shined through most of it, hence the reason she often found herself in those relationships. but i've seemed to of found myself in the same boat.
up here, i can already tell that my identity seems to be shielded by my outside, well the view people perceive from just from my physical self and actions that are noticed. those of which come from my physical relationship from a fellow female and my all too personally noticed complexion.
i guess im in the same scenario as the girl from high school. the girl that everyone just is okay with, not necessarily fondled over or really known, just there and seen. just there to see her with a girl and an ugly face. just there. nothing spectacular, nothing unique, just there.
i find myself to be just there. i want to be the mysterious girl who attracts but frankly, that's all in my head. everything is always in my head and it screws me over ever time. lately, more than a while, its been there, in the front of my mind, my lacking a define stage, a defined position. try and tell me that im wrong, try and prove a case to me that completely cancels out my own opinions.
yeah, keep thinking.

its there, i know it. and the only control i have is over the physical me, but lately it wants to fight with me too. this is why i like to be kept away a lot and closed, saves me from being seen, far too much vulnerability than the norm i face just by getting out of bed. now read that and try to get to know me, know what i hide, know what i feel..i don't like to share, i don't like to be vulnerable. maybe you were right when you said you could tell from my kisses that im timid but still like to take control. im shy, i don't like being unguarded, vulnerable, and im not afraid to take the stance that keeps me from being so emotionally bare.