it went by all very fast

well, it all happened so very fast. her and him. she has her love and she's happy. i'm happy for her, i really truly am. have fun love. now for him....im not so happy. he hurt me so many times but i still let him in...and for what? to hurt me more than ever before. i practically gave him the key into my heart...to feel free and hurt me without any guards. he told me he loved me....and for some odd ball reason i believed him....through everything he did to me i believed him. i thought he changed and he truly cared for me. but it was all a lie. he was a lie. everything ever said was a lie. i just realized it now. i destroyed the persona i built of you to see the truth behind it. your nothing to me. never have, never were. and i was nothing to you. hahaah and now im friends with your girlfriend...scared? figured...you were nothing more than a coward... g2g

it was true....

im heart broken...i let him get to me when he already had another half....im over it..im over you...im over everything..im done!

unguarded?amicable?vulnurable?

now thats the one...

yeahhh

knew it..knew it..knew it... i shouldnt of let my hopes upp. your guna be fine. im not giving up..not unless you want me too. i could try harder but im afraid of the hurt it will bring to you. i care. you didnt eff uppp. promise. im fine. smily face.

the truthh

i reallly really care.... i do. dont think i dont

hmm yeahh

dont get madd or hurrtt but this is how i felt reading your words again...

it makes perfect sense....sadly it does... im breaking down and writing everything i feel right now, EVERYTHING...
hahah you are addicted, very addicted. oh yeah being awake that early you tend to think a lot. haah trust...killer. i dont like trust when it stands in my way. not to flirt with others and give into temptations....that one hurt... is she scared? maybe...idk she shouldn't worry now i guess, i dont want to be in the way of your love for her. you love her...im not going to stand in your way..not anymore at least... im kinda giving up... if you want me im here but it seems like you want her more... i just dont want you to get hurt again.... haha just call me a big eraser...and right now i'll erase my temptation...you dont have to worry anymore (= she's yours and your hers....for now at least.... im not going to go crazy and talk to you 24/7 so you really dont have to worry... i dont think ours will work right now... nope, dont think so...sorry if im sounding harshhh...honestly im hurt. but dont worry i'll be fine. as long as your happy im happy.... but i may seem safe noww but not really...im not safe and im not just saying this for 'danger'...im over that... you just dont know....no thats not it...just dont make assumptions please... it gets far deeper that your eyes can see... you went down the path that i was afraid you would, but its inevitable...i knew you woulddd...good luck, have funnn.... talk to you laterr....if you want me im here but for now im backing off...dnt think i lost any feelings for you, i didnt but im done.... have fun love

oh wait check this out....

maybe those feelings gott blown upp since its been a month...idk....let me know if they differ later from whats happening right now please...

empathy....

wow. its been awhile since i felt this way before about someone.
anything really. i dont know i guess i'm really excited and hope i can have
my chance to make my special someone happy. but before i do that a decision has to be made. no its not really a decision... that sounds too official. its more of a choice, understanding of oneself and the direction he or mainly she wants to go. whatever you chose is fine with me. i care but i care more for your happiness love.

good morning! or good afternoon since i seem to just sleep past the morning

wow, yesterday was filled with a lot of things
i didnt know. and im glad i found them out. i
needed to find them out. well everything that
was said will help in the final decision.
good luck. i love the sunset.

movies.

when i think about just sitting around and watching movies.
i think of a room with superman curtains.

ha so he was telling the truth

doesnt matter. im over it.

giddy

i'm giddy. hahah its cuz of her.
well its not my fault.
lol
fisshy has dimples!

im pissed

he hurt me so many times before yet i still let him in.
he said he didnt have a gf. she thinks he's hers.
what the eff. get your story straight. im not here for you.

and you said you loved me.
what a JOKE!

Break Down.

this is exactly how i felt when i read those words.

hahah well apparently im an attractive
white and black beaner! hahaha love it!
but thats not all.... you knew once i
found out exactly how i felt about you that i
will always be here. no matter what im here.
friends first is what i go by and im
sticking to it. isn't it funny how someone
can hurt you soo bad but in a blink of an
eye all is forgotten? how a few simple
words can change such a hurtful past. its
so hilarious to me. its hard to break
the chain but like you said new days,
new worries, new lessons. ha i never
knew someone can read me so deeply.
seriousness and flirtatiousness?
exactly my place of expertise. on
the outside i may just be giggles
but on the inside the exact opposite.
serious, observant, analytic. haha
i love thesauruses. hmm honestly i
think you changed me. you made me
feel beautiful with whatever my
personal problem was. i felt more
daring...more confident looking
foward to seeing you everyday.
you still have no idea how i feel.
you were in a very sticky situation
and you made the right choice for
yourself and im proud of that.
you dont have to feel bad about how
i felt. it was mostly my fault for
not telling you. i know you care
for me and i truly care for you too.
your someone who i can just sit around
and relax with. thats what i love to
do. im not exactly myself around you
because im nervous still! haha but
im getting used to everything. i still
get butterflies when i get your texts tho.
haha i need a life. haha that sunday...
hmmmm... it was so hard to control myself.
honestly i was thinking about it the
whole time. hopefullly you's still feel
as strong for me as you did when this
is all over. we should try again....

I never really knew....

i am so sorry. everything. i never knew.
i never knew how she felt until i read what i read.
she better not EVER delete that bloggg. you know who you are.
wow. i know exactly how she feels. im sorry i was ever so judgemental.
i have a love that i know i will never forget and it will be a hard road when we finally go our seperate ways and that is exactly how she feels. she loves her.
and who am i to stand in her way.

unfortunately

yeah im done. well for now at least.
no point in trying. it makes me feel pathetic honestly.
writing about how i feel when it doesn't really matter.
did it ever really matter?


and i dont even know how i did it.
how i was able to just hang out with you
without actually touching you.
it was hard, but i did it.
now lets see what else i can do.

wait one moment....

lets just admit it.
im jealous, but i aint guna quit it.
i see what she says about her girl.
which makes me hestitate how i feel.
and how i thought she felt.
i want to stop trying but i just cant let it go.
maybe i really should stop.
i just dont know what i should or shouldn't do.
was i really not meant for you?

wow, honestly.....

wow. this feeling is not new but its redone.
it's been remodified to fit another.
i never knew how much i actually liked her.
wow. i wonder if i'll ever get another chance.
only if she wants me, im here but i wont always be.

breathe.
just take a step back.
a second look.
second view of opinion.
to figure out
what exactly
it is you
are doing.

sunday. sunday. sunday.

today was a pretty ok day....i had a good time. i had a lot of time to think though. i hung out with a crush who unfortuneately has a girlfriend. but yeah thats life. if they were single i'd totally snatch them up.

cool beans?

summmerrrr

wow its almost half way overrr. tear (:

summer love... one. unexpected from the outside viewer. haha

summer boy....my first love. always and forever.

summmerr disaster... my tan. its ridiculous!

summer funn...not yet, hopefully i get to go to six flags!

summer work...homework and practice...inevitable sighh

summer movies....transformers two && up!

summer trauma... rest in peace michael jackson

summer summer summerrrrrrrrr