(dear mr. black)
don't waste my time.
for i can't bare
to drop a dime
in these trying times.
dear the one in gold,
have you ever thawed out your soul?
does it get tiring, does it get old?
when the one you love, is forever on hold.
while there you remain to be, forever locked.
without the key.
forever closed, forever closed. more than thricefold.
forever gold.
dear miss prince,
may i, if you wish, kiss the hand that you kiss?
or shall i erase the trace of the kiss on your lips?
my fingerprints are the only prints that i wish
trace the lines of love on your lips.
dear the man in white,
does it hurt when you bleed?
does it hurt when you fight?
does it hurt when you face the face of the face of light?
or do you glow, like the glow of the night's night?
like a bulb dwindling in the street light.
turn up the switch, the light fades to black.
then brighter and brighter until all the world fades to black.
fades to black. fades to black.
dear ghost buster,
get the bad things out of me oh oh
sing the lyrics carved on the tree oh oh
did it ever occur to you that not just angels
fall from above to the gravel below?
or does it take a fever to pass by the one you know.
it wont let me go, oh i wont let me go, no no.
dear you,
do you really suffer as i do?
or is it just a ploy to break down the doors of the devil's heirloom?
to find the one thing i've always hid.
"that beating wretched living thing"
forever dead as the beating one, not in a man's soul
but in the dead man's chest.
do you lay awake at night searching for fulfillment and rest?
or do you regret laying there in tears of sweat.
breathing heavily, gasping slowly.
hoping one day you can get to me. oh how i carved you out of the tree.
where it's written: you and you plus me.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
2:27 am
i just woke up and my foot is swollen. awoke to raised voices talking about "emotions" and "relationships." how typical. my foot is swollen, even more typical and my throat is dry.
i cant tell you how much he sounds like this fifteen year old from my high school. it's funny how diminished brain cells for multiple reasons turn you into an emotional driven child. it's pathetic. i mean grow up already.
it's so sad, i pity the fool.
my foot really does hurt. my long sleeve is starting to get annoying and i was asleep by ten. and now i am awake. which means i am angry. argh, i'm so very angry.
had a swim meet today, a realization that i write for me and me only, a really good swim day. yeah i'm going to talk about that.
i had a very good swim day today. i felt apart of the team.
even before we left for the team i felt...just apart of it all.
i've never felt that at all. not any of my years on varsity.
but today i did and it was very nice. i know i seem to just ramble on her but that's what its for, just to write down your stream of consciousness:)
i have an ice pack on my ankle. it's very cold.
i have crushes on people but i know i will never be with them. it's hopeless and i am just a hopeless romantic.
for instance, i like her because she's the ideal persona of a high school girl with everything, well so is the other girl. but yeah anyways back to this one. she's beautiful and funny and just cute. but not in a million years will i tell her. although if i did she's feel more loved than any guy can make her.
now for the other one, i think her bcz she presents a challenge, although she is percieved to be a bitch, i think she's hot. if only she went my way..
and then there is him, he's attractive in his own way and funny. i'll get to know him if i'd like but i wont ever date him. nope. nope. i dont date guys younger than me.
i thought i had a crush on him but i dont, he's too emotional for me. i know i ask for that at times but he's just too much.
i want to go to sleep. i think i will.
goodnight.
no doubt there will be more rambles tomorrow, hey i might actually try to write some poetry again:)
i cant tell you how much he sounds like this fifteen year old from my high school. it's funny how diminished brain cells for multiple reasons turn you into an emotional driven child. it's pathetic. i mean grow up already.
it's so sad, i pity the fool.
my foot really does hurt. my long sleeve is starting to get annoying and i was asleep by ten. and now i am awake. which means i am angry. argh, i'm so very angry.
had a swim meet today, a realization that i write for me and me only, a really good swim day. yeah i'm going to talk about that.
i had a very good swim day today. i felt apart of the team.
even before we left for the team i felt...just apart of it all.
i've never felt that at all. not any of my years on varsity.
but today i did and it was very nice. i know i seem to just ramble on her but that's what its for, just to write down your stream of consciousness:)
i have an ice pack on my ankle. it's very cold.
i have crushes on people but i know i will never be with them. it's hopeless and i am just a hopeless romantic.
for instance, i like her because she's the ideal persona of a high school girl with everything, well so is the other girl. but yeah anyways back to this one. she's beautiful and funny and just cute. but not in a million years will i tell her. although if i did she's feel more loved than any guy can make her.
now for the other one, i think her bcz she presents a challenge, although she is percieved to be a bitch, i think she's hot. if only she went my way..
and then there is him, he's attractive in his own way and funny. i'll get to know him if i'd like but i wont ever date him. nope. nope. i dont date guys younger than me.
i thought i had a crush on him but i dont, he's too emotional for me. i know i ask for that at times but he's just too much.
i want to go to sleep. i think i will.
goodnight.
no doubt there will be more rambles tomorrow, hey i might actually try to write some poetry again:)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
as of late..
..i haven't been completely honest with anyone, especially myself.
what i do want now, however, is the feeling of completion that i felt
in the movie i watched the other day. it's called "d.e.b.s" its this funny spy movie with girls in short school girl outfits running around with guns, but thats not the point. the point is, i want the feeling of love that the two main female characters had.
and here's the thing..i want it with a girl. i've been like this for awhile but i feel as if i need it right now..i have this faint hope in the back of my mind that i will find this completion in college, only when i get there will i truly find out. i hope luck and fate is on my side.
in the mean time, with the boys i have in my life now, its complicated. i can never quite be as free as usual on here since one of them reads this..but im not complaining, i like to have an audience, but i do have emotions, and they're a tad bit shield now, like always.
the thing that i cant quite get my head around is why i've been so distant lately to a select few of people, especially him2. (there is him1 and him2 that i've been writing about lately, just thought that i should clear it up a bit)i doubt this, but it just feels this way right now, that maybe i lost what i thought i would hold dear for a very long time..hmm but maybe it's a lot less complicated than that. maybe its my time to be a girl..either way, i'm afraid i owe some answers that im not too fond of freely giving.
i should get some sleep..have to start the routine again tomorrow. goodnight the blog universe. i hope that my hopes go answered and my wants and dreams be fulfilled. i just want to feel whole..im not sure i've ever felt that way before..sweet dreams..i need to think about me.
what i do want now, however, is the feeling of completion that i felt
in the movie i watched the other day. it's called "d.e.b.s" its this funny spy movie with girls in short school girl outfits running around with guns, but thats not the point. the point is, i want the feeling of love that the two main female characters had.
and here's the thing..i want it with a girl. i've been like this for awhile but i feel as if i need it right now..i have this faint hope in the back of my mind that i will find this completion in college, only when i get there will i truly find out. i hope luck and fate is on my side.
in the mean time, with the boys i have in my life now, its complicated. i can never quite be as free as usual on here since one of them reads this..but im not complaining, i like to have an audience, but i do have emotions, and they're a tad bit shield now, like always.
the thing that i cant quite get my head around is why i've been so distant lately to a select few of people, especially him2. (there is him1 and him2 that i've been writing about lately, just thought that i should clear it up a bit)i doubt this, but it just feels this way right now, that maybe i lost what i thought i would hold dear for a very long time..hmm but maybe it's a lot less complicated than that. maybe its my time to be a girl..either way, i'm afraid i owe some answers that im not too fond of freely giving.
i should get some sleep..have to start the routine again tomorrow. goodnight the blog universe. i hope that my hopes go answered and my wants and dreams be fulfilled. i just want to feel whole..im not sure i've ever felt that way before..sweet dreams..i need to think about me.
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