i just woke up and my foot is swollen. awoke to raised voices talking about "emotions" and "relationships." how typical. my foot is swollen, even more typical and my throat is dry.
i cant tell you how much he sounds like this fifteen year old from my high school. it's funny how diminished brain cells for multiple reasons turn you into an emotional driven child. it's pathetic. i mean grow up already.
it's so sad, i pity the fool.
my foot really does hurt. my long sleeve is starting to get annoying and i was asleep by ten. and now i am awake. which means i am angry. argh, i'm so very angry.
had a swim meet today, a realization that i write for me and me only, a really good swim day. yeah i'm going to talk about that.
i had a very good swim day today. i felt apart of the team.
even before we left for the team i felt...just apart of it all.
i've never felt that at all. not any of my years on varsity.
but today i did and it was very nice. i know i seem to just ramble on her but that's what its for, just to write down your stream of consciousness:)
i have an ice pack on my ankle. it's very cold.
i have crushes on people but i know i will never be with them. it's hopeless and i am just a hopeless romantic.
for instance, i like her because she's the ideal persona of a high school girl with everything, well so is the other girl. but yeah anyways back to this one. she's beautiful and funny and just cute. but not in a million years will i tell her. although if i did she's feel more loved than any guy can make her.
now for the other one, i think her bcz she presents a challenge, although she is percieved to be a bitch, i think she's hot. if only she went my way..
and then there is him, he's attractive in his own way and funny. i'll get to know him if i'd like but i wont ever date him. nope. nope. i dont date guys younger than me.
i thought i had a crush on him but i dont, he's too emotional for me. i know i ask for that at times but he's just too much.
i want to go to sleep. i think i will.
goodnight.
no doubt there will be more rambles tomorrow, hey i might actually try to write some poetry again:)
Seems like your swimming experience was fulfilling on a certain level, I'm glad. It's one of those subtlety big epiphanies that will stay on your mind and then someday--bam!--it will resurface and make more sense than when it first happened. That's the case with me, at least, so I hope it happens for you.
ReplyDeleteThe world of high school crushes just brings back memories of me. I'd tell you to just tell her, but then I think of when I thought of telling one of those boys how I felt and I just laugh. Nothing could have made me tell and so I totally get this struggle you're going through.
LL
Alma