its hard

i just feel like everything is crashing. home. pe. my "love" life haha i dont think i have one anymore and i dont know if i want one. its just tough. im trying really hard to not just lick her face out of no where! hahah oh and i had another dream last night. it was about her and my best friend. it was interesting and unexpected but you cant control your dreams....they just come...
and i just cant stand the fact that my mom just lets him walk right in again after everything that went down that night. how dirty he did her and she still just gave him the key. goddamnitt she's worse than me.
ugh why wont someone come along and save me. im drowning here with no life saver. im a swimmer but im afraid i've lost everythingg...
haha its funny. at pe i just feel like im an empty person. idk its just too hot to be myself... i just space out, just think and daydream about anything and everything.
i kind of have a small crush on someone tho....besides my usuall falling head over heals for those two and bammm! haha well my wife said to get over it and im trying. its just i dont want to lose hope..what should i do? you tell me

i need to get myself all clear again. like my goggles everything is foggy. hahah im a fishh