i just took off my watch, the imprint is still left on my wrist.
so is the one of my hair tie. the news is playing in the background
and i just got an i.m. from this guy i fancy. the emotion i am reeling in?
one of pain, aggression, and irritibility.
the reason why? the brother of my mother.
now let me tell you a bit about his idiotic, self pittying personality.
he lost his mother when he was very young and had a pretty messed up childhood. now he is older yet his actions are still screaming self pity. he drinks himself into a practical slumber. (exaggerated that a bit, but who cares, its my story) and apparently he has had a gf and wants to move in with her(found this out via facebook) but from personal experience she seems like a douche, and as of late, real late, so has he. i know his loves me but his love in his actions havent beenn apparent. he doesnt spend time with me or my siblings, doesnt go to any of our games, rarely calls to check in. just sulks around and cries about how his job is a lot of hard work and blah blah blah.
but you know what, so is my job. i go to school, i maintain good grades, i play varsity sports, and i have to get everything together so i can go to college. doesnt that seem like a lot of hard work? rather than lifting boxes in a stupid freezer.
oh but wait, im too busy to go to my neices and nephew's games, or award shows, or anything bcz im too busy living my life f***ing my girlfriend, spending time with my godchildren, oh and picking up my girlfriends son from school rather thn pick up my eldest neice who i havent spent time with in ages.
you know what uncle, and i know you will read this. i DONT care! i dont feel sorry for you, i no longer do bcz you dont do anything to help yourself. you are completely ignorant, arrogant and idiotic. i am leaving in five months!! five months henry! you have rarely spent time with me the last ten years of my life, so lets see, how much can you fit into five months? hmm tough guy??
you really did hurt me today bcz i was looking forward to you picking me up and simply just taking me home. a simple "errand" to make in your suchhh busy day going shopping, visiting your cousins and picking up your girlfriends son. how pathetic!! you are completely messing up and what is sad is, i know you know it too! yet you are doing nothing to fix anything. i am completely done with you. i am not your father, i am not your girlfriend, i am not your neice. when you say something damn it you better follow through, and you know what, i am going to try that right now. i am no longer going to try and chase you into a black hole, you are jjust screwing yourself and you are going to realize it when its too late. you only have another niece and a nephew to get in their good side bcz with me, you are through. no more chances uncle, you friggin jerk!! oh and by the way, thanks for making my day such a blast, really, i love being dissapointed into inevitable tears, oh i just love it!
im done, i dont care. dont call and talk to me, i dont want to hear your lame excuses. tell them to your girlfriend bcz idgaf.
If my thoughts on this one come out a little jumbled or mixed up, it's because I have a major headache.
ReplyDeleteThat said, let me begin. :)
I don't want you to think that I'm defending your uncle here because I'm not. Neither am I justifying his disappointing you. There's one thing that bugged me about your venting, and that was where you mocked him about his complaining for the work he has to do and his problems. YES, you have a lot of work and problems to deal with. And you may be right, he may be aware of his issues and simply be too afraid or too lazy to better himself or to try to be with you as a friend and an uncle, BUT, either way that's how HE feels. It would be like if one your close friends one day told you that you complain too much or that you're life isn't as hard as you make it to be because there are other people out in the world much worse. What would you think, that's it's YOUR life and only YOU know how your problems feel so no one else has the right to tell you that your life is easy and that you're too much of a complainer. In fact, I'm sure someone has said something along these lines to you before.
So what I'm saying is, you have every right to feel neglected and to be mad and to say that you don't want to be around him anymore but at the base of it, you're not in his shoes, you don't know how he feels about his own life. Likewise, I'm not trying to say that you complain too much or anything like this. Every one deals with things, situations, events differently and so they affect people differently. What may seem like nothing to you may be overwhelming for someone else.
Now. With everything else, I haven't been through a similar situation but imagining it does sound hurtful and I would feel the same way. And I would have said the same things. I only wrote what I did as a way to help you reflect on it, you know, not like attacking you. When I fight with my dad or say rude things about someone, I try to think about it later on.
LL
Alma