Sunday, March 20, 2011
its funny how
its funny how i can just close my eyes and be in a completely different setting. i'm there, i'm young, i'm right outside the library, on my way to class. and there you are. i see you walking in front of me. i am a child, innicent, unexperienced. and then there is you. you seemed experienced, older for you age. always thought you were one step ahead and now here you are. you're life has fast forwarded actions far beyond your years and yet you are still a child. i am still a child. but not as young as i was then. as young as i was when i first met you. i think about it now and i really was in love with you. but now, i cant seem to reattach myself to that, well what i thought, would always be such a strong emotion. when i see you smile and laugh, i get the faint feeling of those past emotions, but they dont stay. who knows, maybe they might turn up more often then not, but as of now, im floating in a lonely sea with passerbys starting straight at me. but what they see, and who they believe is me is nothing close to the truth, as clear as the heart can see, can be, you probably will never know..the real me.
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It's funny and sad, actually. Bittersweet. I like to do this, too, sitting/ lying down and reminiscing and just thinking about how things could be different if I had done something else or if someone else had done something else. And I like that line: "I am still a child," because I think we're all kids inside. IDK if you've read a short story by Sandra Cisneros in which she talks about how we're all still 1, 2, 3, etc. because , for example, when we cry we're three years old. When we feel like whining we're five or six, and it goes on.
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Alma