3/7/11
-She wears a striped sweater
not as nautical as it seems,
yet she wants to blend back
into the ocean and it's dreams.
-Dear Mary, you were right,
we become distructive, not
from fright, but from those
who walk the streets at night.
-How can I have a present,
if I never had a past?
-I really just want first
period to end, I woke
up in a bad mood and I bet
it will see a majority of
my day through.
-Today is the day where it
should all come through, dont
let that wretched horoscope
seep through, you like him and
he likes you, just go from there,
dont mess up more than you.
-My nails grow, then I bite them
back, my vein show on my
wrists, purple and blue and
bulge when I fist,
yet the engraving of the scars
is never lack.
-"The creater dies but the
monster lives."
and a picture:)
I love the last line. And the "'Dear Mary" part. Another assumption ... that these are you actual thoughts, pertaining to you life. And you were just writing them down. You know, I'm gonna say something (or a few things, I never know; when I start writing, sit back and relax) and I don't want you to get mad or feel offended or hurt or anything negative. Now I've scared you, huh? OK, maybe not scared you but now maybe you want to skim fast to get to what I have to say. Or, your heart is probably starting to race, and you want to stop talking nonsense and to say what I said I was going to say. OK, I will. Sheesh. :D
ReplyDeleteOkay, during the time I knew you at San G., which is actually since my junior year when we shared the German room--Oh, I miss Mr. Hayman!!!! I always thought you would be an interesting person to know, but I just never took the effort to go up to you and say something. Why? Partly because I had nothing to say and when I have nothing to say it gets awkward, and also, after seeing your interactions with others in class I figured we just wouldn't "click" as friends, IDK why.
Anyway, and then when we were in Sabens together? I don't want you to think I hated you or anything that bad, but I just thought you needed an attitude adjustment. Gosh, I just sounded mean, huh? Lemme explain. I thought you were nice and talkative and pleasant and everything, but at the same time there were days when your mood was plain sour and I always wondered WHAT was bugging you but I never asked because we weren't really friends and--hello!--how awkward is it to just go up to someone and tell them to tell you their life problems and everything? So I just let it go but it always bugged me. Now, I'm not judging you, or anything. But now that I get somewhat of a glimpse into your thoughts and problems and feelings, I understand. You're a sensitive but not sensitive person. Things hurt you and you try to let them go but they just eat you up inside and at the same time they're what make you keep going and not anyone try to bring you down with any comment or action. In this we're similar, too, only that I'm more subtle.
So what I'm saying is, I'm glad I finally get this chance to see into your thoughts and try to understand you better. :) And, I've realized that hey, I never went up to you and told you that I'd like to be your friend and while I never regret it--I don't like to regret things, you just accept them and learn from them--I always thought it would have been an interesting thing to have connected with you. But, in the end, we're talking now so to me it's kind of like: back then, two-three years ago wasn't the time you guys needed to talk, it's now. For whatever reason, to help you or you to help me vent through you or for us to just learn more about each other and ourselves. :)
LL
Alma